You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
