Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
