oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
