Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
