5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
