New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
