So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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