we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
