there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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