her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
