And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
