My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
