I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
