It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
