hell yes lets make some ravioli
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
