Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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