What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
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But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
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I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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