The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
