u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
