when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
