I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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