we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you win again, gameday.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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