I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
