How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
