i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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