Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
