Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
