I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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