if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
