im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
