so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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