she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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