i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
