Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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