You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
