I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
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I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
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do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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