Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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