i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
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I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
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I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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