Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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