I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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