shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's blow job season.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
