Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
