This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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