Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
