If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
