It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
