Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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