Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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