you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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