yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
we're so committed to being not committed
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
