All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He better not be in your backpack
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
