shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
