I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
