Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
