Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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