When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize
