Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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