we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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