Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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