Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Someone signed my nipple.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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