cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
