he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
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the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
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New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize