he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
