I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
