Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
