Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
