someone threw a dead crab at me
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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