Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
