I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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