Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
