so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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