I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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