I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
