Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
