dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
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