They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
