i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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