And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
