I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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