Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
